My Spouse Won’t Admit To Being Unfaithful
I often get emails from people who have no doubt that their spouse has been unfaithful. Sometimes, they suspect that this occurred earlier or in the beginning of their marriage (or in some cases before they were even married.) However, some feel that the infidelity is actively happening and occurring right now. But, when they attempt to confront or question their their spouse about this, he digs in his heals, becomes angry and defensive, and vigorously denies any wrong doing. Often, he’ll turn everything around on the wife calling her insecure, nutty, or just plain wrong. I’ve even seen husbands offer up ultimatums – things like “if you don’t drop this, I really am going to cheat,” or “well, why not just be unfaithful since you think I have anyway?” I’ll tell you how to handle this catch 22 in the following article.
Why Your Spouse Is Probably Never Going To Admit Being Unfaithful Out Of The Goodness Of His Heart: There are some pretty disheartening statistics which show us that only an extremely small percentage of people ever own up to the cheating without being caught first. There are so many reasons for this. First, there’s no secret as to what’s going to happen once the cat is out of the bag. You’re going to react badly. You’re going to be angry and hurt. As he sees it, no good can really come of this. The only possible scenario is a bad one. At best, you’re going to hurt and distant for a long, long time. You may never see him in the same way again. And at worst, you’re going to leave him and / or report back to people whose opinions he really cares about.
Second, he’s already crossed the line. There’s no taking it back. What’s done is done. Is your knowing really going to change that? He’s already been able to ignore the nagging guilt, the burdensome shame, and the risk of being caught in order to continue on. So, it’s not likely that suddenly he’s going to be overtaken with these guilt feelings or suddenly have integrity. Being unfaithful is all about towing the line. It’s about not having to live with one decision over another. So, his history shows that it’s unlikely he’s not going to draw a line in the sand after the fact.
How Do You Really Want To Handle This?: Before we proceed, you’re going to need to decide how far you’re really willing to go. Because once you commit to knowing the truth, there’s no going back. He’s going to be angry and defensive when you press. He’s going to become more distant when you don’t take his assertions as truth. And, you’re likely to meet resistance and negative feelings every step of the way.
So, you have to ask yourself if you’re absolutely sure about this. Do you have proof or concrete evidence that leaves you no doubt that you’re wrong, so that you’re not standing there with egg on your face? Only you know the answer to this, but I can tell you from experience that you often get to a point where you really don’t care about the consequences any more. You know in your heart what is true and you just want to hear him say it or to admit it so you can either move or fix this. But, it gets to a point where it is no longer acceptable to be lied to, taken for granted, and having your intelligence insulted time and time again.
Either Getting The Evidence To Prove You’re Right About Your Spouse Being Unfaithful Or Acting “As If”: The best way to get your husband to come clean is to get the in his face evidence that he can’t refute. There are phone records. There are GPS printouts. There are incriminating emails and texts. All of these things can be recovered, often from very far back if you have the correct software. The real question is if you want to know, because if you do there are tools that will tell you.
Finally, if you come up short or you just don’t want to go there, you can tell him that you’re just acting “as if.” You know in your heart that he was unfaithful so you’re just going to proceed as if you have confirmation of this. You don’t need him to tell you what you already know, so the only question left for you is if you want to save the marriage or not.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but he would not admit it, no matter what. This was so frustrating and disrespectful. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/.
Seeta Dean’s catch cheating website is at http://catch-the-cheating.com/